Although this is my very first brew, I have an overwhelming urge to rouse my yeast! It’s only been six days since pitching it but I feel I should harass it in some manner. What should I do?!?
Talk dirty to it… Best in the dark.
What makes you think there’s a problem? Have you taken a hydrometer reading?
Talking dirty to it does wonders but Tubercle has yet found a way to reliably balance a carboy on 5" black patent high heels but I have wrapped a few fermenting buckets with garter belts with success… Any suggestions are appreciated. Yes. I’m sick in that way.
Close your eyes, take a deep breath, count to 10, take another swig, take a hydrometer reading, seal back up, leave another week.
Life is good.
I have taken a few readings and it’s falling slowly. I was joking about the problem but was kind of wondering if yeast rousing is beneficial.
It’s OK to shake your carboy/fermenter when it seems limp. I do that sometimes. 
Only if there is a problem reaching target FG. This would be the first action as long as temp was proper.
I think it only makes you feel better. That’s not a bad thing.