I will NOT respond to this thread, so you are free to say your truest opinions. I would even ask that people don’t respond to others’ posts.
I am in my early 30s, more worldly in experience than the average north american, but less stable than some.
I know this forum tends to skew older than my age. What advice would you give me?
I appreciate and will read everything you post, but I will not reply, so that you don’t feel any pressure.
Thanks in advance - From a brewer.
now drinking: abbot ale
This is not your usual thread.
I think anyone of any age would do well to prioritize their spiritual and emotional health. I won’t suggest what this would look like to you, but at its core it means looking inward in a very objective way to learn what is real and what is a story built by your conditioning: societal, family etc. When I was your age a certain type of meditation helped me see a lot. I learned that my suffering was caused not by not getting what I wanted as I thought but by the lack of acceptance of how things were. That self knowledge was very freeing and made me more effective at dealing with life and accepting of others. Again, there are many paths: meditation, therapy, contemplation, religion etc., whatever speaks to you.
These days I feel we have learned that not much is really solid so for livelihood I recommend doing something that you care about and helps others as opposed to the easiest way to make money. You don’t have to be feeding the poor, it could mean working for a company that makes something that is helpful rather than harmful.
Thirteen years ago I took a pay cut to work for an organization that was aligned with my values and over the years I was promoted to more comfortable positions because I was motivated to do good work.
P.s. I won’t hold you to not replying, I don’t mind at all.
If you haven’t begun already, save aggressively for retirement. That’s one thing I make sure to tell every student and intern we get - max out your 401k contribution the second you have access to it. You don’t want to have to work till you’re 80 because you’re not prepared.
That said, money doesn’t buy happiness. Find what you love and make time for it at any cost.
i’m late 30’s so i don’t have the wisdom of some of the older members but what i can say is do what makes you content while at the same time stackin the dough and listen to your gut and take any advice with a grain of salt, i came to realize the one and only thing that really holds people back/down to achieving their dreams is fear so put your helmet on and go get it bro, have no fear this is just a ride
Find a good stable place to live that you don’t just put up with, but actually kind of enjoy, and foresee yourself enjoying till you are old.
Find a good stable source of income that you don’t just put up with, but actually kind of enjoy, and foresee yourself enjoying till you are old.
Find a good stable source of sex and intellectual stimulation that you don’t just put up with, but actually kind of enjoy, and foresee yourself enjoying till you are old.
Find a good stable source of beer…
etc.
Some sources of unhappiness come from settling down in a less than adequate place, job, spouse, etc. We only live once, as far as I can tell. And life is too short to put up with any crap that is much less than enjoyable.
So that’s my advice from a 45-year old schmuck who’s been through some of this stuff and has a few minor regrets but overall not too bad. Cheers.
Travel.
As much as you can afford.
One day you will not be able to. Most of my fondest memories are from traveling. You are exposed to new places, people, and cultures. You learn that traveling gives you a better world view. Sometimes you can find some great beer to drink. Bonus.
I agree with travel. I also agree with finding what you like in all matter of ways. I recently looked around and decided to start removing things from my life that I do not enjoy. Clearly we can’t do that with EVERYTHING but sometimes you can shed things that cause you pain or anxiety. Try not to allow others to control you or bring you down as best as possible. The truth is that everyone is different and the only one who knows what makes you happy is you. Do you enjoy being with others? Then surround yourself with the best people you know. Do you enjoy your own company? Then make sure you set time aside for yourself. One thing that seems to work for me is that I have low expectations… it’s easier to be satisfied that way. :P Another thing that works for me is that I am a simple person and I don’t need much. I happen to have quite a bit more than I need because I am married and have three kids but I could be happy in a small townhome somewhere with as little as possible. Also, the comments about saving for retirement… true. Time is on your side and I know a lot of people who are going to be Walmart greeters or Uber drivers when they’re in their 70s because they didn’t think to save. Good luck.
I’ll frame the answer a bit personally and say this is advice I would send back in time to my 30-YO self:
oh yeah most important, don’t get married 
BS. Marry the right person.
i said i wouldnt reply, but one person said they wouldn’t hold me to it.
just wanted to say thanks to each of you and wow. better answers than i even expected. very good.
I was noodling with this on my bike ride today. One thought is to always be comfortable, happy and confident in who and where you are. That may sound simple depending on who you are and the circles you’re in but the world can be a competitive place. In high school I was an average student and then I went to a local tech college and I did not finish. Meanwhile my [now] wife finished her undergrad and then went to law school which means that in my 30s I might find myself at a posh company event surrounded by attorneys and Ivy league types and I always found it very intimidating. Invariably, the conversation would come around to me, So, Ken… what do YOU do and where did you go to school? s***. I’m sure that my intimidation was me just being mindful of my wife and her coworkers but I was always uncomfortable in that spot. At some point in my mid-20s I started my own business which is now in its 31st year. So I suppose I had some reasonable response for those uber-successful people but let’s be honest… “self-employed computer guy” is not really holding water with attorneys and Ivy leaguers. I turned 55 this year and with age comes clarity and [hopefully] acceptance of things. I’m comfortable with who I am. For every one of those successful people I had contact with there are probably a hundred scratching to make $45k a year (who I would identify with more) and I never really had an obligation to impress those successful people anyway. Be happy with who you are. If there is something about you that you find hard to accept or bothers you in an impactful way, you either need to resolve that issue or come to terms with it.
Save every penny you can, preferably into retirement accounts.
If you hate your job, find another job. Something you hate now will only get worse as you age.
My father once said if something irritates you about a significant other before you wed, it will only get worse after you wed. Note: his verbiage utilized some language we try to avoid on this forum.
Travel so long as it does not cause you to go into debt.
Debt - be sure you have none except for housing and transportation.
Live below your means. If you make $20 and spend $20.01 you will never be happy. If you make $20 and spend/save $19.99 you will never be unhappy.
Buy on quality, not price. $100 spent on a piece of furniture which will only last 5 years is not money well spent if you can find a $300 piece of furniture which will last 40 years.
Do not keep up with the Joneses, they are more than likely up to their eyeballs in debt.
Drink water in a restaurant as opposed to soft drink or tea, save thousands over a lifetime.
If you can do it yourself perfectly then do it since no one else will do it perfectly. If you cannot do it perfectly then find a professional who will.
Make every career move you initiate a move forward. Some moves will be made for you and they may set you back.
Do not be afraid to say NO.
Make your goal to save a year’s worth of expenses in case of emergency. That way if you want to quit or get laid off you are safe and don’t have to take the first job you find. It’s much easier to buy a car when you are driving then when you are walking.
Ask yourself if you need something before you buy it. It’s fine to splurge, but buying something you don’t need just accumulates stuff. Often you can rent or borrow and return. Always return in as good, or better condition than the item was provided to you.
Don’t break the rules or laws. The truth is the safest lie.
Be careful who you tell what. Not everyone wants to see you succeed. Similarly, hold your cards tight to your chest with regard to politics, salary, and personal matters. A true friend will be there whether you are king of the world or living in a slum. The key is finding those friends and surrounding yourself with them.
If you are doing something which doesn’t bring you happiness or doesn’t make you money, then stop and do something else.
Lastly, drink water, as much as you can stand, all the time. You will always feel your best when you are well hydrated.
So much WIN here.
I’m living proof that you can be really good at stuff you hate to do. The problem with that is that sooner or later that’s all anyone thinks you can do. Try different jobs while you are young and keep the work that makes you happy. You just get bitter doing things you hate.
My dad always said “look at your girlfriend’s mother now. In 30 years that’s what you’ll be living with.” Not 100% true (yet) but it holds a large truth within it). :
And travel when you can afford it. Not just in your home state, region or country. International experiences will open your eyes to many other points of view and opportunities.
Paul
The would not call it work if it were fun, it would be called fun. Hating your job and disliking portions of it are two different things. If it is affecting your well being then find something else. I had a job for 9 years which was torture at the end. One of the best days was driving away with a separation package. A job which is causing an overwhelming amount of stress and anxiety is not a good thing. Often you don’t recognize how bad it was until you do something else.
Man, all these replies reminded me of the poem Desiderata, which made me remember the parody, Deteriorata:
I also recommend as much travel as you can, sometimes even if you can’t seem to afford it.
My advice…don’t start your own business.
It’s not for everyone but it can be rewarding. I would say, “Don’t open your own restaurant”. 
The travel is interesting. Some people like it. Others do not. If travel interests you, I agree that traveling the US is great and even driving some long stretches of it. But international travel is really eye-opening and fun. My family and I have been to Mexico, Costa Rica, a bunch of spots in the Caribbean and also Munich, Vienna, Prague, Warsaw, Brataslava, Frankfurt, Croatia, Athens and Santorini. Actually getting where you’re going is not glamorous. But being there and meeting people and seeing how others live, their scenery, buildings that might be 800 or 1000 years old, that’s amazing. To eat their food, drink their beer and sit and talk with them is really cool. If travel is not your thing, ignore it and focus on what DOES interest you.
I owned and ran a recording studio for 30 years. Should be a dream job…writing and recording music for film and video. It was cool at first. After 30 years it was just another job I had to go to every day.