Sounds like maybe I need to stop worrying and relax.
It’s a half-hour project, 25 minutes of which is spent cutting off the ends of of the plumbing supply line and patiently teasing out the plastic tubing. You can also buy those supply lines ready-made (I was able to talk a Home Depot guy into cutting the ends off for me after I bought the hose, which helped a lot). Assuming you know how to wrap teflon tape and assemble threaded parts, you should be fine.
Oh, I’ve already got it assembled. I just don’t like how high it sits and was going to tear it down and rebuild it with a lowered pick-up tube.
Perhaps I should brew with it once or twice before I tweak it…
Try it! You’ll like it! 
Dave
Thanks for the help everybody. The hose washers, plus a longer nipple, ended up doing the trick. I let it sit with 2 gallons of water for 45 minutes or so without even a hint of dampness.
All-grain here I come! ;D
Woohoo! You will love it. Making beer by any means is satisfying, but there’s something special about helping malted barley become beer.