Nice simple recipe! That’s refreshing for a beginner. You don’t need to change anything except the fermentation temp. I know there is lots of preaching about fermenting Saison’s warm but the beer turns out better when you start it off cool (I like 64-66) and ferment in high 60s for first 3 days then crank into low to high 70s to help attenuation.
The only thing I may add would be 5-10% simple sugar to help it attenuate out, especially if you are using extract. Just sub out a portion of the extract if you want to keep the same gravity. Agree with major about the fermentation temps. Otherwise, it looks good!
Looks tasty to me. I agree with everyone’s comments so far. You mentioned in your original post that you wanted a fruity hop character - did you change your mind on this? While the citrusy Centennial/Cascade/Amarillo type fruit may not be what you want, there are lots of other hops that have a different type of fruit character that could work well in a hoppy saison. Citra and Galaxy should be real nice. Nelson Sauvin might be interesting. Calypso, Motueka and Sorachi Ace all have potential here as well.
I thought about suggesting subbing sugar, too, but I saw you took the crystal malt out of the second version. Still not a bad idea to get the dryness you will need. But it may not be necessary depending on how aggressive the yeast is. For instance, with the French saison strain you don’t need to add any sugar. That strain is a monster.