First of all, let me begin this post by stressing how much it pains me to post this. :-[ I find this crap absolutely awful, but SWMBO loves the stuff, and who couldn’t stand to score a few extra points, right?
So, does anybody have a way to makeup something like Mike’s at home?
Geez, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little… 
SWMBO?
Try this one.
Lemonade Hooch
2 lb Golden LME
2 lb Orange Blossom Honey
2 lb Corn Sugar
2 lb Frozen Raspberries
1 gallon water to 175 degrees
Add ingredients - recommend corn sugar first
cook at 160 for 20 minutes -
Note: Its hard to hold the temp at 160 so get it a little over and turn off heat and cover with lid.
Chill to 75 degrees
Add 5 cans frozen lemonade
Add 2 - 64 oz organic white grape juice
Note: I add a block of ice, frozen lemonade and chilled WG juice and it cools it down a bunch!
and top off to 5 gallons.
Add:
3/4 tsp Pectic Enzyme
5 tsp Yeast Nutrient
1 1/2 tsp Yeast Energizer
Stir well to aerate.
Add 2 champagne yeast (WLP715 or Red Star Champagne dry yeast)
Note: Red Star champagne yeast is way cheaper than WLP715!
Fermentation: Primary 7-10 days
Secondary: 14-21 days
Add: 24 hours prior to kegging/mixing
2 1/2 tsp Potassium Sorbate into secondary to kill remaining yeast.
Rack to Bottling bucket to mix remaining ingredients.
Add:
3 cans frozen lemonade
4-6 cups table sugar dissolved in hot water. (I add the frozen lemonade to cool down the hot water so I can add
the mixture anytime to the bottling bucket)
Keg and you will have leftovers to enjoy right after kegging.
Be Warned!!! This is over 40 proof!
Created by larmo22 . Last Modification: Monday 29 of June, 2009 01:21:17 EDT by larmo22 .
The original document is available at http://blackdogsaloon.net/tiki-index.php?page=Lemonade+Hooch
Do you keg? If so, why not make up 5 gallons of ovely sweet lemonade and add a bottle or two of vodka? Carb it up and serve. I’ve actually been thinking of doing something like this for Hard Iced Tea, you know, for the ladies… ;D
I usually do this whenever someone compels me to:
2 liters fresh squeezed lemon juice.
Sugar
Water
Mix lemon juice and water and add enough sugar to reach 1.055
Ferment with Cotes d’Blanc wine yeast.
Rack to keg, add sorbistat and sweeten with sugar syrup (or corn syrup)
Carbonate to 900 volumes.
Unfortunately, I do not keg. How do I go about if I bottle condition?
That’s going to be a huge problem for you since you don’t have a way to stop the yeast from chewing on all the sugar present in the bottled liquid.
You might be able to do it, let em sit and then chill them all down to hold.
Does it have to be carbonated?
Hey Drew…What kind of FG does that get down to before you Sobistat and sweeten?
Usually if everything works… like 0.995 or so. 
I might have to give that a whirl for the GF, she has been complaining that she wants a “Summer Beer”…How many lemons is that? A Plethora +1?
Enough for your hands to get raw from it and then some… all told, about 33 lemons or so (figure 2 fluid ounces of juice per lemon)
She Who Must Be Obeyed.
I had to look it up.
Clearly, this calls for for some domestic diplomacy. It’s my experience that wives/girlfriends/SO who “don’t like beer” aren’t properly educated as to the full range of beers out there. Carefully approach her, bearing suitable glittery offerings, and ask her what it is about beer she doesn’t like.
Try to find a good commercial example of a style of beer that she might favor. Share it with her. Carefully observe her reactions. Like the male mantis, be prepared to flee at the first sign of trouble.
Start by trying her out on low-hop, slightly sweet styles, like Munich Helles, Blonde Ale, Koelsch, American Wheat and Hefeweizen. You might also try her on Berlinerweisse, if you can get it or brew it. If you can afford it, see if she goes for Flanders Red, Flanders Brown or Fruit Lambic (Lindeman’s Framboise is innocuous and makes a good dessert topping if she doesn’t drink it).
If she “sort of likes” a particular beer, have her try it with a bit of lemon or fruit juice. There’s nothing wrong with beer cocktails like lemon and lager, radlermaas or shandy when conjugal bliss is at stake.
Once you’ve found a commercial style of beer that she likes well enough, try to dial in a really first-rate homebrewed version. Get her to collaborate on recipe design. She can’t complain that much if she helped brew it.
If all that fails, you’re probably better off just making a cocktail of lemonade and vodka or making lemon-flavored cordials.
There is also the happy chance that she “doesn’t like beer” because she’s only familiar with Fizzy Yellow Swill and considers it to be too bland. In that case, you might have an exceptional woman who shares your love of the malt and/or hop. Introduce her to big, bold styles like RIS, English Barleywine, or Double IPA and note her reactions. If she takes to craft beer like waterfowl to the proverbial mash liquor, marry this person if you haven’t already. Cherish her and rejoice in your good fortune.
Technically, foul swill like Mike’s IS a “malt beverage,” but that’s like saying that dollar store dog food is roast rack of spring lamb. The exact processes involved in its spawning are secret, propriety, and obscene. They are said to involve producing a high-gravity, highly-fermentable wort from malt and the blood of innocents, fermenting it with a highly-attenuative yeast strain drooled from the lips of hellhounds, and then filtering the result through a 0.2 micron filter while standing naked within a pentagram edged with black candles and chanting in the Black Tongue.
The resulting liquid is then diluted to about 5% ABV using deoxygenated water possibly obtained from the River Lethe, and then treated with lemon-like flavor mixtures alleged to include the tears of tortured children and colorants rumored to be derived from the souls of 13 Hell-sworn SAB-Miller executives. It may then be force carbonated to 2.5 or more volumes, possibly using CO2 obtained from a murderer’s last breath.
I might have gotten some of the details wrong, but it’s definitely not something a sane and God-fearing homebrewer would want to get involved in. In my opinion.
Well stated.
Thank you for the definition. I think I know her.
900 volumes? Is that in Canadian?
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
And you can tell her I said that. ;D
Conversely, God secretly dips his finger into every batch of Trappist Ale and tastes it, just to see if his employees are still on their toes. And you can tell her I said that, too.
That’s another possibility, For every palate, there is a Belgian specialty beer. Orval?
Expensive habit (so to speak) but relatively easy to reverse-engineer at home.
I just made a cider out of the simplest ingredients (literally your basic generic brand store apple juice, and champagne yeast) and after carbing, wouldn’t you know it, my wife loves the stuff! My wife dislikes all beer and most other alcohol…exceptions for semi-sweet German white wine and some sweet drinks like Amaretto Sours. But she loves this cider!
I’m going to try something like this, but I think I may just do the non-fermented route…some vodka or grain alcohol in a premixed batch. Easier and with a higher likelihood that she would like it.
Why not just mix it by the drink?